childlike

Opening my tired eyes, I was already dreading the upcoming day. We had worship and teaching in the morning, then another class/ministry time for the afternoon, then our evening 6-hour service that night. Thoughts of what I didn’t like about the ministry time, how I was freezing and feeling sick, and twenty other complaints about the day filled my head. All that to say--I had a bad attitude. 

9:00 a.m. Worship starts. I was distracted by the worship leader’s musical style, by the cold temperature of the room, by the people in front of me, etc.. I was trying to engage, but I was just having the hardest time. Then, they called anyone who wanted prayer to go to the front. All of a sudden, I stood up. I knew I needed to give my attitude, my anxiety, my everything to God. Hmm, what a thought!

As I walked to the front, I started talking to my Father, telling him the things that had been bothering me and then repenting of holding them back from him. In thankfulness, I lay it all down before him. It all made sense. I was just a little girl. Sitting on my dad’s lap, holding something tightly in my hand, I was trying to keep some of me back from God. But the truth is that I'm already in his lap! He’s got me, all of me. I didn’t want to clench my hands any longer, pretending that he isn’t already in complete control.

Let me tell you, surrender is good. I began to weep, receiving God’s love for me. “Holding nothing back I open up my soul to you, oh Lord”, I sang. And boy, that time I meant it!

It’s not that God was finally able to do something that he wasn’t able to do before. No, it was that I said, “I trust your leadership. I lay down everything because I know that you are good.” I opened my tightly clenched hand, giving it all to Him. And when I opened my hand, my heart, my dreams, my everything to Him, then I was open to receive more from Him. Abba loves to give us good gifts. All we have to do is ask! 

“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Matt. 7:11)