childlike

Opening my tired eyes, I was already dreading the upcoming day. We had worship and teaching in the morning, then another class/ministry time for the afternoon, then our evening 6-hour service that night. Thoughts of what I didn’t like about the ministry time, how I was freezing and feeling sick, and twenty other complaints about the day filled my head. All that to say--I had a bad attitude. 

9:00 a.m. Worship starts. I was distracted by the worship leader’s musical style, by the cold temperature of the room, by the people in front of me, etc.. I was trying to engage, but I was just having the hardest time. Then, they called anyone who wanted prayer to go to the front. All of a sudden, I stood up. I knew I needed to give my attitude, my anxiety, my everything to God. Hmm, what a thought!

As I walked to the front, I started talking to my Father, telling him the things that had been bothering me and then repenting of holding them back from him. In thankfulness, I lay it all down before him. It all made sense. I was just a little girl. Sitting on my dad’s lap, holding something tightly in my hand, I was trying to keep some of me back from God. But the truth is that I'm already in his lap! He’s got me, all of me. I didn’t want to clench my hands any longer, pretending that he isn’t already in complete control.

Let me tell you, surrender is good. I began to weep, receiving God’s love for me. “Holding nothing back I open up my soul to you, oh Lord”, I sang. And boy, that time I meant it!

It’s not that God was finally able to do something that he wasn’t able to do before. No, it was that I said, “I trust your leadership. I lay down everything because I know that you are good.” I opened my tightly clenched hand, giving it all to Him. And when I opened my hand, my heart, my dreams, my everything to Him, then I was open to receive more from Him. Abba loves to give us good gifts. All we have to do is ask! 

“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Matt. 7:11)

nothing but the blood.

“Jesus came to offer an incredible trade--beauty for ashes. God looks at the ashes nobody wants and says, ‘Don’t throw them away! I want them! Give them to Me and I will give My beauty in exchange for the useless mess into which their lives have devolved.’ God Himself is the alternate reality for those who are broken and beaten down. In the revelation of His Son, Jesus, a way is made for people to find joy and the fulfillment of their heart’s longing. Their lives can be changed through progressive encounters with the beauty of God as seen in the face of Jesus (2 Corinthians 4:6).”

(Mike Bickle, Seven Longings of the Human Heart)

The understanding of the beauty and worthiness of Jesus and the depth of my sin is changing me. For real. I am nothing without Jesus. Nuh-thing. But because I am redeemed, God calls me beautiful; He sees me as worthy. 

Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

Yes, worthy. I am worthy, I am clean, I am pure, I am beautiful. But only, only, ONLY, by the blood of the Lamb.

a glimpse at IHOP through my eyes

Well, well, well, it's been a while! I have been here in Kansas City, MO for nearly 3 weeks! It's crazy. I wanted to do a quick little overview of what life is like here at IHOP-KC, then in later posts I will go deeper into what I am learning and what God is doing in my heart.

I have two roommates. The three of us, along with eight other girls next door and right below us, make up our core group.  We have two associate core leaders (ACL). One lives in the same apartment with us and the other lives in the apartment below with four girls in our core group. Our senior core leader is awesome, but she doesn’t live with us. We all make our beds every day and have weekly chores and everything, it's great! Honestly, these girls are wonderful. It's really an answer to prayer to be living life with women who love God, respect each other and want to run hard together into greater knowledge and love for Jesus. I am so thankful!

My schedule here is BUSY. It's great, though. I wouldn't want to be sitting around all day twiddling my thumbs! Here is a peek at what my schedule looks like:

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday we head over to IHOPU on shuttles for worship at 9 and then class from 10-12, then we have lunch from 12-1. after lunch we usually have a meeting or another class or prayer room hours until 4 or 5 in the afternoon. Dinner is 5-6 and then we have a 50 minute meeting with our core groups where we can ask our leaders questions and discuss what we're processing. Usually though we have a specific lesson that our core leader teaches. Then we are in the prayer room from 7-midnight. 

During our prayer room hours we can read the bible or other bible study books, journal, worship, and pray. It’s our time to encounter God. Also, we have a two-hour set that is intercession for specific topics. On Mondays the focus is human trafficking, Tuesdays are focused on prayer for the salvation of Israel, Wednesdays it’s for Kansas City. On any given day, if there is a crisis going on somewhere in the world, they will most likely interrupt the regular prayer focus to whatever the crisis is. Ever since Friday we have been praying for Egypt. 

Honestly, I love the hours in the prayer room. I was kind of nervous that I would get really tired, or get bored or something like that, but it’s been so wonderful. I have just been eating up the word of God and then meditating on it. I’ll be reading and then the worship band will start playing a song I love and so I can just stand up and worship for a while, sit back down, and read some more. It’s wonderful. I love the Bible. I’ve never been able to say that before, but it’s really true. 

I feel so blessed to be here. I don’t know what these next few months will hold, but the Lord is so good! It’s the truth. He loves me and the truth of that is changing me. He is making me more and more like his son, Jesus. It’s a beautiful thing. 

More to come soon!

Love to you all, Claire Joy